Into Chaos
by Procrastination Fairy
Summary: Three mistakes led to Sailor Cosmos's creation.


It was stupid of me to think it would all automatically be okay. That was my first mistake.

While I was reunited with Mamoru and my senshi told me all about their time in the Cauldron where they saw the Shitennou again, Sailor Cosmos told the final part of her story to the Sailor Quartet. As soon as everything had calmed down, they approached me and told me what they had surmised from her vague tellings.

"Sailor Cosmos said she used to be you!" said Pallas.

Ceres nodded. "She said she made the wrong decision."

"But then she watched you save everyone and said she remembered the true meaning of Cosmos," supplied Juno.

Vesta stared solemnly. "And then she disappeared."

"Me? Sailor Cosmos?" I laughed. "That's silly. I'm Sailor Moon!"

We all came to the conclusion that whatever had happened hadn't anymore. I had changed that. I was so proud of myself. I could live a normal life with Mamoru until we started Crystal Tokyo.

That was my second mistake.

Starting Crystal Tokyo, I mean. It attracted too much attention to myself. Lunarians used to be a powerful race, and many others were pleased when we died out, but now that I had returned . . . . And once I had Small Lady, whom contained the good qualities of each race, Earth drifted into more and more danger each day.

Mamoru never blamed me. Sometimes I wish he would have. We could've argued. Arguing is better than just laying in bed next to each, not crying, not speaking, each secretly wondering if the other resented all of this. He told me all of this as my kingdom—the kingdom I built with my husband, my love—fell.

"Please. Usako . . ." he murmured. "Tell me what you really think of me."

I could hardly stop weeping. "Mamoru . . . Endymion. Don't leave me!"

"I understand if you hate me. For forcing you into this life. For leaning on you too much. I just need to know. Even if you hate me and wish I was never born, it won't matter. You gave me a reason to live. I love you, Usako. I will _always_ love you," he said. I threw my arms around him and shook my head as I tried to find words.

"No. _No!_ Mamoru, I love you! I love you; I love you; I love you! Don't leave me," I cried. He started to die then, but I couldn't look. I just couldn't see the light leave his eyes. I held his head in my lap and looked around. My senshi continued to fight Chaos. My daughter, my dear Chibiusa, was out there as my former identity. It was in that moment that I knew I couldn't let this be the end. I had to give something to this fight. Mamoru spent his entire life trying to make everything fair. He was so kind, so caring; how could I let that all go to waste? I rose, dreaming of everything I wanted to do, begging the Silver Crystal.

That was my third mistake.

I know everyone heard the words as they slipped from my tongue. "COSMOS STAR POWER!" You can't imagine the fear in their eyes—for me! They knew what I was to become and how much I would suffer. They slowly slipped away from me too. One day, it was only Sailor Chaos and I. I was tired. I couldn't do it anymore. I went back to the past.

I'm sure you know how that turned out.

When I returned to my time, the Cauldron had already sent out so many crystals. Everything was happening so fast. I watched as the small brunette with the Mercury Crystal met up with her fellow senshi. The blond boy with the Golden Crystal watched me frequently.

"Why don't you join us?"

Join them. It was enticing, I had to admit. Maybe somewhere in the back of my mind, I could have pretended this was still Mamoru and Ami, but something wouldn't have seemed right. I am not Usagi anymore. I am Sailor Cosmos, and I am terrified of it.

**So this is a birthday present to me! :) Sailor Cosmos is undoubtedly one of my favorite characters. The way she speaks makes me think she's Usagi, but the ending, where everything turns into Crystal Tokyo, didn't seem right. Then this came to my head: the idea that this whole thing futile. Que sera, sera. It helped me in a way understand what Sailor Cosmos had learned. I agree that she's different than Usagi, but not to the point that they aren't the same people. I hope this was enjoyable enough for you.**


End file.
